Empathy is an emotional skill set that allows one to understand what someone is experiencing and to reflect back that understanding. It is the ability to understand and share the emotions of others by putting oneself in someone else's shoe. Empathy is not connecting to the experience but connecting to the feelings that underpin that experience. In this age of AI, empathy is one skill that will be of great demand and will distinguish one from other. A leader who can better comprehend what the other person might be experiencing, will lead to more compassionate and empathetic response in situations. That will create a more open and meaningful workplace.
A common way to practice empathy and get that that level of understanding is a practice called "Just Like Me". Just like me this person is worrying about something or experiencing a physical or emotional suffering and wishes to to be happy. Just like me, this person wishes to be safe, strong and healthy. So, how does one go about settling the one's inner mind and connect with someone and see similarities to one-self. Then getting to that level and offer an ear, learn about that experience, practice curiosity and get to know more. And in a workplace where everything is time bound and urgent, how does one really come out of their individual zone and show empathy towards another co-worker ?
Theresa Wiseman has put 4 attributes of Empathy:
- Perspective Taking - What was that experience like for you ?
- Being Non-judgmental - Refraining from putting a judgment or a value on what someone is saying
- Recognizing feelings - Connecting with something within myself that helps me identify with what someone is feeling
- Communicating Emotion - Work to demonstrate our understanding of what the person has shared
All of the above are pretty deep things that humans are capable to process but requires self-awareness, mindfulness and active listening to be able to come out of one's inner zone and feel someone else's pain. Mindfulness is being aware of what you're sensing and feeling in the moment without interpretation and judgment. Mindfulness reduces absent-mindedness, reduces stress and cortisol, increases optimism and trust and creates oxytocin. For example, if you're talking with your peer or co-worker about a problem you may be facing with a customer and after listening to you for 10-15 minutes, the co-worker mentions about a different problem he/she faced and how he/she went about solving it. It may not help you solve it but you immediately feel better that someone actively listened to you and empathized with your situation. In the pandemic time when everyone was working remote, it became very hard to have this kind of conversations over zoom. Yet it is the most relevant thing required for men/women to thrive and grow especially at workplace (where one tends to spend at least 1/3 or 1/2 their waking time). One needs to have social awareness at workplace, practice active listening, pick-up and analyze non-verbal cues and develop empathy and compassion for other co-workers. That's when you work in a team, collaborate and contribute to each other's success.
Listening empathetically could be the most important skill as a leader. Right from school, we are told to show class participation, to speak up and we listen not to understand but listen to respond. We sometimes cut out other people to put our point of view. However, one of the key things to being empathetic is to be attentive and cultivate empathy with people in your team. Withhold any kind of judgment, ask open-ended and probing questions, get clarifications and summarize. In my recent interaction with one of the leaders where some of the work I was doing was being taken over by another individual. When I narrated the issue to him, I could see how he actively listened to my story and asked some probing questions, got clarity and in the end summarized with a positive overtone. He made me feel that he understood the situation well, he recognized my feelings and communicated back which made me think he was on my side (even though he did not pass any judgment). This released oxytocins and made me immediately feel better about the situation. A classic case of empathy at work!
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